Written April 16, 2008
I felt like writing a note and as usual its on a serious level... I write this for all my girls and ppl I do not know but I'm sure it can apply to guys (I can only write from my point of view- a female's).
I have a challenge for everyone... I WANT EVERYONE To love themselves for them... HONESTLY, ask yourself does your wellbeing depend on what others think of you? Do you love every part of you overall? Would you really change yourself just to fit in? ( i mean i know ppl have one thing they would want to change but obviously there are 50 million other things to consider about yourself, thats why I say overall) I hope the answers to this are NO, Yes, and NO. I know we all know better but sometimes it helps to hear this from a friend...
You should never depend on anyones opinions to make you... You should never put someone before you in normal situations (unless its the obvious, your child). For example a man should never come before you. YOU are the only person who matters in YOUR life... DONT make it about him, he's just a character in your play. Who is he to determine what happens in your life? I repeat YOU SHOULD BE THE ONLY ONE! True love is hard to find that is true... Who knows if any of us are truly there until we are 70 yrs and that special person is still with you & so in love (if we reach that age... ya know)? But you should not have to force that love... If he doesnt want to be with you, youre just making it worse to beg him or force him to stay. Then he is staying out of pity... I must say I have been there when Quintel (my play brother) had to keep telling someone how to treat me the RIGHT way, then one day it clicked in my head... NO one should have to force him to repeatedly do me right... So I left. I finally realized he'll never learn and its still true cuz he's still doing girls wrong. His lost Oh well. At least I'm not still in that situation getting gray hair beating myself up on the inside... I must admit that yeah I have said "why couldn't he just have acted right? We could be happy." Then I snap out of it. He had to be let go so I could move on to better things (and for 2 yrs they werent) but I finally knew what to tolerate and what not.
Yeah finally getting strong enough to be your own person... independent and all... will be extremely hard. But believe me You will be so proud when you finally do! I was and I just cant stop promoting it. I want everybody to get there to better themselves, if they havent experienced it yet. I just feel so sad hearing about things females go through with their men... it really is unacceptable and at that point its when we ALL need someone to snap us out of it! These men may not be beating you on the outside but they are on the inside. And this does not only apply to our boyfriends... It can apply to family too...:
I'm going through that at the moment but I kind of have it all figured out. You know how ppl complain about us girls complaining about our figure/size? Well yeah media plays a part but for girls like me, family does too. For yrs certain members tell me how big I am and then act like its cause for a celebration when it looks like I lost some... That helps you to be insecure too and I've gotten over that... I love my size, my figure, my hair, my teeth and my big eyebrows! Yup I wouldnt change a thing. Also, I was always searching for close family members approval when doing things and after this last situation with me and Twain I realize I don't need their approval... (cept mommy's lol) Like I said before, its MY LIFE (and kennethia helped remind me of that) and I want to be held accountable for ALL decisions. I dont want to say I missed out cause I was worried about what they would say... When its all over and I'm at the Golden Gate and they want to ask me questions I want to be able to say "I did what I thought was best"
No one needs negativity in their life and I've gotten rid of it... I encourage you to do the same. We are all adults and we need to stop blaming others for our troubles... own up to your own shit, stop worrying about what others think... No one needs to create ulcers and whatever unhealthy situations that come from stress... I'm all about love right now and I had to cut out those who weren't regardless of who they were. I love them but I don't need any extra baggage or stress. I'm tired of always cleaning ppl's mess up and being the one who pleases everyone (cuz I'm the good girl). Well I still am the good girl but I don't care anymore and I want to encourage everyone to live for themselves... make the world better in your own way. Keep friends who encourage you not friends who bring you down. And give family space when they need it... Dont cut them off completely- we cant afford to, slavery set us back too far!
Read "He's Just Not Into You" if you havent already, I have apparently passed mine on cuz I havent seen it in 2 yrs... the world will not end if he leaves you, it will just feel like it for awhile. But we are strong women and we have to do what is best for us and if he is doing you wrong then he is NOT whats best. Love yourself before you attempt to love someone else. Take time off between relationships, don't just jump in something. And if it reminds you of a past relationship gone wrong... WHY DO IT OVER AGAIN AND HURT YOURSELF?? You have to set your own boundaries and goals (yes this applies to relationships) and it will get you further in the relationship... and COMMUNICATE! He is not God... everything he says does not go... Anywho I just want us all to think about what we are doing in our lives- since everyone thrives off relationships, thats what I'm writing.
I think all of you are beautiful and talented and sometimes I just wish you saw what I see in You!
Some of you may not need this advice right now but I just want to get this out. I love you guys and thats on the realest shit I've ever wrote...
for the men... if you read the whole thing, most of this can apply to your relationships and I just wanted you to know i got it together right now... (i know yall stay worried) :-)